A note

You only have one goal for the next succeeding days…

FOCUS on you goal

I’m afraid I have to do this again.

But I need to pause and focus on more important things.

(this is me posting to release my worries and pressure that I feel inside)

I really like the newsletter business model, but honestly I know it takes time…

Time that my savings doesn’t allow me to have yet.

Embarrassing to admit but I had been unemployed from Aug 15 last year. I’m almost a year of trying different things:

• instagram art account: https://www.instagram.com/anj.illustration/ (tried shortly)
• faceless youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@bini_zine (was able to earn for 3 months youtube salary but was demonetized and waited to re-apply after 3 months but failed)
• newsletter: https://mailzing.beehiiv.com/ (relaunched my newsletter)

…and I still don’t see traction.

I know I lack focus and got into the cycle of from uninformed optimism to valley of despair. So nothing sticks.

But this time, I really don’t have a choice…I’m afraid that God is giving me signs that I should take my priority first before taking a risk…my uncle was diagnose with Aneurysm.

this woke me up into sleeping into important things like financial stability for my parents. They are the only two people I have in my life now and I won’t have any reason to live if I will lose them.

I don’t want to go again into the cycle of trying and giving up again cause I can’t afford to do that now.

Even if it means: I have to pause my newsletter again, focus on offering my email marketing services again (earning money now) or applying to jobs again.

(this is a journal, a post I want to keep on my feed to remind me of this day that I decided to take on my priorities seriously and not drown myself in self-doubt and self sabotage)